Current Mood: Erm…

I just came across this travesty of a word for the second time this year. Basically, it’s a dumb way to refer to how products are supposed to be set up on shelves.

PLAN - how they should be set up
O - a dumb article added to make the transition between two words sound even more retarded
GRAM - a diagram of the Plan.

Planogram.

Why do I cringe sooo hard, so violently, at this piece of corporatespeak?

Because it brings back memories. Memories of a j*b. A j*b at a small chain called Meijer. It was a stocking j*b. Of course, it sucked, but Meijer had/has traits that make an already lousy task worse! Like most physical stores, they think that stockpeople are some kind of magicians and buy about 2x what will fit on the shelves…and then say that you have to get everything on the shelves. And then they wonder why they find unrelated stuff, hiding behind all the things that hardly ever move. It’s cuz they won’t let people put anything in the back, and the shelf will only hold 12 boxes, so those other 6 boxes that are in the incoming case have to be stuffed somewhere, dammit!

But the above paragraph is just NORMAL for a stock j*b. Meijer went beyond the normal crazy, and firmly into puke territory.

And the “planogram” was the base ingredient in the syrup of ipecac which was liberally spread amongst their employees. For from this travesty, sprang others, like these management tropes:

* Calling every product’s planned spot it’s “home.” And using the word with the tone of voice which one would use when referring to a tiny kitten, or super-cute puppy.

* Saying that products found in unexpected places are “lost.” (Same tone of voice for this.)

* Calling the practice of sticking failed magic tricks (stuff that won’t fit where there’s no room) in places where there IS room “abuse.” (!! Gah…)

* Uttering phrases like “Aw…this is lost. Will you help it find its way home?” and not realizing how totally insane and pathetic that sounds.

* Not expecting people to want to slap them for saying crap like the above sentence. And not realizing that people DO want to do just that.

* Wondering why the local Meijer’s turnover was, at the time I was there, higher than any grocery store…and, higher than most clothes stores (those are Meijer’s two biggest categories).

I thought the word “planogram” would die where it was born, on the foul shores of the Meijer company. But noooo…

Today I saw it used in a testimonial for this company. Eby-Brown is a supplier to the local convenience stores. One of their customers was praising the Eby-Brown “planograms.” Which brings to mind two things.

Who the hell let that hideous term into the wild?!

And, what the heck is going on, with the supplier deciding the shelf layout?!?? Listening to suppliers’ hints is one thing, letting them actually do the layout, no, that’s nuts…the supplier isn’t going to be as familiar with a particular store’s customers as the owner (except if a store is under new ownership)!

Oh, well, so much for that. But if some supplier tries to get me to use that term, he will get himself 10,000 anti-convincing points, due to reminding me about how Meijer’s sucked, and how the “planogram” was at the root of a lot of the extra-disgusting parts of their rotten culture at the store level!

Not to mention that the term itself is so kiddie-sounding that it makes me gag. It made me gag the first time I heard it, and I hadn’t even realized (at that point) how it spawned a whole other bunch of preschool-level baloney at that store…

Current Mood: Cool

Time to get back to business. But first, a story that made my spirits lift:

Some German IT company had a problem when its 10-person team, all smokers, hired another 3 workers. These 3 were not only non-smokers, they demanded that the rest of the company kowtow to them by not smoking at work either!

The management’s response? Quite unlike what would happen in the US!

Thomas Jensen, the manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on Jan. 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.

‘I can’t be bothered with trouble-makers,’ Thomas was quoted saying.

It’s about time somebody responded sanely! What gall, to go into a company that’s all smokers, and demand that everyone have a hellacious nic fit so the couple of new jerks are more comfortable instead.

Needless to say, the gall of that type of person doesn’t just stop. So of course they are suing for “wrongful dismissal.” But, since it’s Germany and not the US, there is hope that the case will be thrown out just like it should be.

The entire experience of employment is one demeaning outrage after another, blended together into a single mega-outrage.

Here’s the latest. In Canada, corporations are taking to censoring their employees’ blogs. This from the blog Weasely Reasonings:

One such MSM [MainStream Media], CBC, with Peter Mansbridge at the helm on election night, was issuing early predictions for the outcome yet blogs were not permitted to post because we’re considered “public”. The very same station is now attempting to stifle its employees through Draconian policies that apparently were only thought to exist in countries like Iran and China, where bloggers are expected to register with the state if they want to have an “opinion”.

And, the blog says that according to the CBS’s own site:

Further, the blog cannot advocate for a group or a cause, or express partisan political opinion. It should also avoid controversial subjects or contain material that could bring CBC/Radio-Canada into disrepute.

To start and maintain a blog of this kind, you need your supervisor’s approval.

(Bolding added by me)

Of course, my initial reaction is to shudder and cringe! They act like they own their employees! Like they’re a freaking government!

Then I remember that that’s what all employers really think. It’s just another piece of proof that employment is glorified slavery.

The whole gruesome spectacle of it, even from a distance, makes me glad that it’s not happening to me–and that it won’t, even if it spreads through all of employerdom. And, it motivates me to update all my revenue-producing sites.