Current Mood: Devilish & Playful

On a certain forum, I’ve often commented that I will pay attention to Google’s “webmaster guidelines” when they pay attention to MY spidering guidelines. But, in order for that to happen, I have to officially publish some. So, here they are, paraphrased from my forum posts:

My Guidelines For Search Engines

1) If you spider my sites, you must rank all their pages #1 for all their relevant terms.

2) If you spider this site, you must immediately pay me $1 Million USD.

Their guidelines deserve exactly the same amount of respect as mine. And until I see that $1 Million USD check (wire transfers also accepted), and my #1 rankings, I will consider it to be fact that they do NOT respect my guidelines, and theirs will be treated in kind.

On the other hand, if I DO get my $1 Million and my #1s, I will gladly leave all the pork-product production to Hormel. And move to Hawaii.